The Beginning of Autumn, 2004

As told to me, by my (now ex) wife...

"There are a lot of firsts in our lives. Some we will remember, others we will not. One of my firsts that I will never forget is the birth of my daughter. She was actually two firsts for me—my first child and my first and only girl.

"I don't remember specifically what time it was, but I know it was before noon when she arrived. I had already been there once or twice that week on false alarms. I remember feeling very anxious to see the baby. The nurses were probably tired of seeing my face and hearing my voice because I called a lot as well, and I bet that they were rolling their eyes as well as me going into labor and delivery.



"I remember getting the cramps light in the beginning. I really wasn't uncomfortable until they chose to break my water. They use this little hook-like device that reminds me of a citrus peeler, and you don't really feel it go in but once it grabs onto you, it feels like a sharp nail is scratching your bottom. Immediately following that scratch you suddenly gush like you are peeing all over the place. I instinctively tried to stop it, but it’s impossible to do that once they tear it.

"The contractions really kicked in after that. With every pain, my husband would cheer at my side, encouraging me to pull through. Some of that, I liked. The nurses kept coming into the room during this and offering me all sorts of pain medications. I refused. I have heard two speculations on why. Some would say that I refused because I wanted a drug free natural birth and baby, and to experience the whole of it, holistic and organic. Others would say I didn't take the pain medication because I believe I am Wonder Woman and nothing can break me. My vote is with the latter.

"Finally, they measure and tell me it’s time to place my feet up into the stirrups. “Don’t push yet,” the nurses advise me. My whole body advised me to do the exact opposite. I honestly thought that I was going to push out a “number two” rather than a baby. So, how could I stop this? Lamaze breathing exercises! I managed to get things under control, and then it really was time for the birth. Those first pushes did nothing but hurt. The next sensation was one of something made of water coated plastic coming out of me. With a final and by far the most painful push of all, out she came screaming.

"The doctor threw her onto my stomach without wiping her and all I could think was “Ewww… she’s all nasty and bloody!” I know any loving mother would think that she was beautiful and intrigued to hold their child for the first time, but all I wanted them to do was take her off of me and clean her up.

"They weighed her and measured her. “Eight point nine ounces and twenty-two inches long” the nurse announced. “What will you name her?” My husband and I didn't have to think about it considering we pick the name out months ago. “Autumn Rayne,” we both announced at the exact same time.

"One odd thing the doctor kept repeating was my placenta weight. It must have been overly heavy because the way she was saying every time was with more and more astonishment. It was only five pounds. “Is that abnormal?” I kept thinking.

"Once they got her all clean and measured and everything else they insist on doing to newborns, they handed her back to me and then came those maternal urges. She starting rubbing her head back and forth on me for a minute or two—“rooting” as they refer to it-- quietly, before screaming in frustration. She screamed for several seconds until she found what she was looking for—my breast… and what happened next is another story."